Noel Edmonds tearfully recalls being in a 'dark place' before suicide attempt in TV comeback

Noel Edmonds has opened up about the 'dark times' he's faced in his past as he makes a return to television. The former host of Deal or No Deal is back with Kiwi Adventure, a series that follows his life in New Zealand alongside his wife Liz, where they operate a hospitality business in the rural town of Ngatimoti.

Noel, 76, and Liz, who tied the knot in 2009, decided to relocate in 2015 and made the move in 2019. Noel had previously spoken about the 'incredible spiritual pull' he experienced when visiting the country, which inspired him to settle there.

The couple now own an expansive 800-acre estate named River Haven, complete with a vineyard, restaurant, wellness centre, and a pub cheekily named The Bugger Inn.

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In the first episode of his new show, Noel, last seen on our screens during his stint on I'm A Celebrity in 2018, became emotional as he reflected on his challenging past and suicidal thoughts.

At one point, he visited a sculpture called Guardian, described by narrator Rob Brydon as 'a permanent reminder of a difficult period in his life'. "In 2005, at the height of his fame, Noel's production company unexpectedly went bankrupt, hugely affecting his mental health," Rob explained to viewers.

Returning to Noel, the former House Party presenter gestured towards a plinth: "There's a description of my story here, for guests to understand why I had Guardian created. My Unique group of companies was deliberately collapsed by some corrupt bankers.

"And I'm safe in saying that because my bank manager went to prison, along with four others, for 50. What they were doing was pushing businesses over the edge and then taking assets—that’s basically what it was about. When the companies went into administration in 2006, I thought I was a crap businessman. I thought it was my fault. 70 people lost their jobs."

Noel then revealed: "And I said to Liz, who was a fantastic support, 'When,' not if, When I win my battle to get my losses back, I'm gonna get the great Weta Studios, Lord of the Rings, Avatar, the real creative powerhouses here in New Zealand, I'm gonna ask them to build me a statue."

Later, Guardian was created, with Liz designing the shield the statue holds to symbolise his legal 'fight'. Next to the statue of a man crouching with his head bowed is an inscription, which Noel says inspired him to construct it in the first place.

"It was that inscription that held me together and motivated me during some very dark times," he confessed, with the plaque reading: "'The devil saw me with my head down and thought he'd won until I said Amen. The relevance of that is the knight is not kneeling in defeat; he's praying," revealed Noel.

He then became emotional as he detailed just how severely the legal battle impacted his mental health: "He's praying before he gets up and defeats the dark force, the enemy. I'll tell you, when you go to that dark space... I used to, like many people, kind of look down my nose and think, why would anybody want to take their own life? Why would they want to do that? I'll tell you, if If you've ever found yourself in that bleak place, you'll never pass judgement, because it's a realm devoid of reason," Noel expressed.

He concluded by saying the Guardian statue stands as a beacon for those who feel 'weak,' 'disenfranchised,' 'marginalised,' and 'let down' by society. "He has not given up. You can feel it." With tears in his eyes, he grasped the sword and said: "Thanks, mate. Thank you." This isn't the first time Noel has openly discussed his suicidal thoughts.

Back in June 2017, he revealed that he had attempted to end his life in 2005 after a fraudulent scheme by a group of HBOS financiers ruined his businesses. At that point, he wanted to 'end the overwhelming mental pain that had consumed [his] whole being'.

"Until these criminals took me to the brink of emotional annihilation, I had always felt those who opt out by taking their own lives were selfish and cowardly... But having been cast into that bottomless dark space devoid of logic and reason, I have a much deeper understanding of life without hope...," he confessed.

Noel also made it clear then that he 'sought no sympathy' and 'felt no shame' in making this admission. In the end, Noel received an apology from Lloyds Banking Group, which settled a compensation deal with him following the fraud case. While the specifics of the settlement were kept under wraps, the Daily Mail reported that he received around £5million.

*If you're struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org or visit their site to find your local branch

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