There’s a peculiar trait that many people who’ve faced life’s harshest blows seem to share: they’re outrageously funny. Not just your average stand-up funny, but the kind of humor that’s dark, self-deprecating, and almost startlingly sharp. It’s the type of humor that makes you wonder—how can someone who’s been through that still manage to crack a joke?
Dr. Robyne Hanley-Dafoe, a wellness expert known for her research and speaking on resilience and mental health, recently posted a now-viral video on Instagram answering this exact question. In it, she dropped a truth bomb that’s as scientifically grounded as it is emotionally resonant: “We learned that resilient people tend to be funny. They were very funny—but it was dark. Dark, dark humor.”
And suddenly, it all makes sense.
The Belly Laugh That Heals
Laughter, according to Dr. Hanley-Dafoe, isn’t just a coping mechanism—it’s a physiological reprieve. In her Instagram post, she explains that when we laugh, our bodies release a natural tranquilizer. This isn't just metaphorical fluff. Laughter literally blocks pain receptors in the brain, giving us a brief—yet real—respite from emotional and physical suffering.
“It doesn’t mean it solves all your problems,” she notes in her video. “But it allows you a moment of reprieve.” A laugh, in this context, isn’t an escape; it’s a pause. A breath. A second to recalibrate when life has pushed you to the edge. It’s the body’s way of saying, you’ve carried enough—take this one moment off.
Not Just a Defense, But a Release
For years, people assumed that dark humor or frequent joking during hardship was a defense mechanism. And to some extent, it is. But Hanley-Dafoe invites us to reframe that idea. It's not just a mask—it’s medicine. “We thought it was a defense mechanism,” she says. “But what it actually is… describes the function of a defense mechanism,” joked one commenter, in a delightfully meta moment.
Her followers responded with a collective exhale. One, a trauma therapist of over two decades, chimed in: “I cringe when I hear therapists pathologizing our client’s laughter and dark humor. Sure, sometimes it is avoidance—but most of the time it is the best way to take the deep breath that makes it possible to dive back in deep to the work or to life itself.”
That statement hits home. Because resilience isn’t just about enduring pain—it’s about carrying it in a way that allows you to still function, to still connect, to still live.
Laughing in the “Messy Middle”
In the caption accompanying her video, Hanley-Dafoe writes: “Sometimes the most powerful tool isn’t found in a self-help book or a strategy worksheet. Sometimes, it’s a deep belly laugh… It reminds us we’re still human, still connected, still capable of joy—even in the messy middle.”
That phrase— the messy middle—might be the perfect description of what resilience looks like. Not triumphantly standing at the finish line, but muddling through the chaos with a crooked smile and a well-timed joke.
More Than Just “LOL”
The reactions from Instagram users speak volumes. Many echoed sentiments like, “If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry,” and “You either have to laugh or cry, and you can only cry so much.” And perhaps that’s where the true strength of humor lies. It allows us to hold opposing emotions at once—to feel grief and grace, sorrow and silliness, pain and pleasure, all tangled together in one irreverent punchline.
So the next time you hear someone who’s been through hell joke about it with unnerving precision, don’t assume they’re deflecting. They might just be healing.
And if you find yourself laughing in the middle of your own storm, embrace it. According to science—and the wisdom of Dr. Hanley-Dafoe—your nervous system is not just coping. It’s thanking you.
Dr. Robyne Hanley-Dafoe, a wellness expert known for her research and speaking on resilience and mental health, recently posted a now-viral video on Instagram answering this exact question. In it, she dropped a truth bomb that’s as scientifically grounded as it is emotionally resonant: “We learned that resilient people tend to be funny. They were very funny—but it was dark. Dark, dark humor.”
And suddenly, it all makes sense.
The Belly Laugh That Heals
Laughter, according to Dr. Hanley-Dafoe, isn’t just a coping mechanism—it’s a physiological reprieve. In her Instagram post, she explains that when we laugh, our bodies release a natural tranquilizer. This isn't just metaphorical fluff. Laughter literally blocks pain receptors in the brain, giving us a brief—yet real—respite from emotional and physical suffering.
“It doesn’t mean it solves all your problems,” she notes in her video. “But it allows you a moment of reprieve.” A laugh, in this context, isn’t an escape; it’s a pause. A breath. A second to recalibrate when life has pushed you to the edge. It’s the body’s way of saying, you’ve carried enough—take this one moment off.
Not Just a Defense, But a Release
For years, people assumed that dark humor or frequent joking during hardship was a defense mechanism. And to some extent, it is. But Hanley-Dafoe invites us to reframe that idea. It's not just a mask—it’s medicine. “We thought it was a defense mechanism,” she says. “But what it actually is… describes the function of a defense mechanism,” joked one commenter, in a delightfully meta moment.
Her followers responded with a collective exhale. One, a trauma therapist of over two decades, chimed in: “I cringe when I hear therapists pathologizing our client’s laughter and dark humor. Sure, sometimes it is avoidance—but most of the time it is the best way to take the deep breath that makes it possible to dive back in deep to the work or to life itself.”
That statement hits home. Because resilience isn’t just about enduring pain—it’s about carrying it in a way that allows you to still function, to still connect, to still live.
Laughing in the “Messy Middle”
In the caption accompanying her video, Hanley-Dafoe writes: “Sometimes the most powerful tool isn’t found in a self-help book or a strategy worksheet. Sometimes, it’s a deep belly laugh… It reminds us we’re still human, still connected, still capable of joy—even in the messy middle.”
That phrase— the messy middle—might be the perfect description of what resilience looks like. Not triumphantly standing at the finish line, but muddling through the chaos with a crooked smile and a well-timed joke.
More Than Just “LOL”
The reactions from Instagram users speak volumes. Many echoed sentiments like, “If I don’t laugh, I’ll cry,” and “You either have to laugh or cry, and you can only cry so much.” And perhaps that’s where the true strength of humor lies. It allows us to hold opposing emotions at once—to feel grief and grace, sorrow and silliness, pain and pleasure, all tangled together in one irreverent punchline.
So the next time you hear someone who’s been through hell joke about it with unnerving precision, don’t assume they’re deflecting. They might just be healing.
And if you find yourself laughing in the middle of your own storm, embrace it. According to science—and the wisdom of Dr. Hanley-Dafoe—your nervous system is not just coping. It’s thanking you.
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